Capture Your Grief - Day 26. What Heals You

I'm still battling with the term "healing", as that implies that one day I will be all good and cured and I hope you understand that this will never happen. Life will eventually get better and this intense pain will show up less often, but Olivia's absence will ALWAYS hurt and that will never be "healed".

But, there are a few things that help me move towards enjoying life and not just plain survival. Traveling with Pierre heals me, and we've done a lot of that because of his work and my maternity leave: I've had my fair share of international breakdowns, and most of the time I don't see him all day, but we wake up and fall asleep together and that's all I need. My family and friends heal me, their happy moments make me happy, their achievements make me proud and their love strengthens me. Exercise heals me, the day I got the green light to exercise everything was immediately less horrible; I am currently exercising 5 days a week and for however long I'm ai it, I feel like the old me only a little bit stronger. Cross stitching heals me... Yes, we were taught how to do it in school and doing so whilst watching bad tv shows is EXTREMELY therapeutic. 

There are three things that help me enjoy life above all: Hearing Olivia's name whenever relevant, I LOVE when someone talks about her and doesn't dance around her name because it might hurt... Her absence hurts, her name hugs me! Messages telling me a random moment when someone thought about us or when Olivia winked makes my heart smile. And my ultimate healing comes from Pierre, his smiles make me smile, his love makes me love him more and the fact that I know more or less what he's going through forces me to be better because we need each other to enjoy this unexpected new life.

This was taken on my last pregnant trip after a friend's wedding