Capture Your Grief - Day 25. I am

"Today" even though I'm many days behind here, we are supposed to fill in the following blanks:

I wish: Olivia was here or that I would be wherever she is... I wish we could be together.

I remember: The moment Rachel put her in my arms after she was born... That is the single happiest moment in my life. Time stood still and she wasn't "not there", the three of us were together, Pierre was outnumbered and our family was whole. I remember every minute as if it was yesterday... I just wish it wasn't a memory.

I could not believe: And I still can't believe that she is gone. I've always said that long distance relationships only work when there is an expiration date on the distance. Well, Olivia is not coming back and I have no clue on when I will move to "the other side", so according to my previous logic, this isn't going to work. But, she is my pichona amada and I am 100% hers, so we will patiently wait for each other somehow and the day when God decides my time on this side is up, I truly hope she is waiting for me on the other side so I can hold her again and feel complete.  

If only: This is dangerous, because it can open the can of worms of all the possibilities and the parallel universe, had we done one single things differently. But I will focus on: If only we could have one more second together...

I am: Forever grateful that she is my daughter and forever sad that I don't get to enjoy her.

One of my favourite pictures during my pregnancy