The Life and Purpose of Mariana

WHAT A YEAR IT HAS BEEN! Not only since I last posted here, but also 2024 in itself…

I actually started writing about The Year of Mariana and the great success it was on January 1st 2024, by Olivia’s grave with my fingers numb from the cold. I never finished the post as there were too many ideas, so I never shared the “results'' of my rediscovery year. I can sum up The Year of Mariana by saying it was a big success, as I said it then, it was all about starting a journey. This journey has now turned into my life and my purpose finally aligning.

I want to share a few of the things I wrote on January 1st:

The Year of Mariana started long before January 1st, 2023 (same place I’m writing this, but 365 days earlier). I don’t know exactly when, but there were a few moments where the universe nudged me telling me that the time was coming and that I was ready. So I did what I love doing, I planned. I came up with ideas, activities, tasks, concepts and things to “tick from a box” so that I would be able to feel progress and pride at a completed to-do list. 

At the same time (one of THE phrases I now live by, gracias Steph!) The Year of Mariana was so much more than that. I took part in life-changing courses, groups and ideas. Más Paz Mental “More Inner Peace” helped me see (in the kindest way possible) what I’ve been doing and thinking wrong. I was able to truly understand where some behaviours were coming from, and forgive myself. Being a good person doesn’t mean not making mistakes, it means acknowledging them, learning from them, repairing what you believe should be and being ok letting go of other parts of your life that don’t align with who you are anymore. All of that is fine, all of that is welcome and all of that I hadn’t thought about in real life.

I had held on to things, ideas, people and goals because I was “told” I had to if I wanted to do things “right”, be “successful” and be “liked”. I forced things that should’ve been let go a long time ago because I felt I was a bad person or a failure if I did. I also forced trying to “repair” relationships at the wrong time and in the wrong way because I had seriously no idea  how else to go about it. 

TThe past year helped me realise that two realities can exist at the same time, mine and the one from the person on the other side of my experience. Previously, this wasn’t obvious - sometimes I wasn’t able to see others’ experiences as valid as mine, which felt like “the one that mattered” at the hardest times in my life. That concept isn’t easy to understand and I think it's impossible to get it when we are in the midst of walking through particularly hard times or when we are in an emotionally immature moment in time. And that is also ok, we are not always open or even ready to understand certain concepts or messages, the important thing is that when we are finally ready to, we go and either make amends in the places that matter to us, or be at peace with what happened and let that go.

The Year of Mariana helped me reconnect with the parts of me I had left behind a long time ago, some of them I had decided to lock away when I was 16 years old! I needed to come back to a me that I would be proud of being, a me that I would actually want to be friends with and defend like I do the people I love. This year was, as I said, all about creating a base that works for me and for the life I want to live for the next 40 and beyond; it was about understanding my purpose and how to live it. 

Going back to nature has been healing in ways I can’t describe. Getting in new waters, climbing peaks, running outside, talking to myself out loud, planning things that make me and only me happy, has brought me joy and peace. That joy is exactly what I’ve always wanted to give to the world in whatever way I’m best suited for. A long time ago, when I was depressed doing a job I didn’t like and living a version of me I didn’t fully enjoy, I joked when I said I wanted to be a Professional Joy Bringer. Not realising I had been doing that all along. It might not be the way I make a living (yet!).

I wish I would’ve kept writing that day and finished the thought about being a professional Joy Bringer. That day was very cold, I was feeling very emotional and then it started raining. I remembered thinking: I’m crying, I’m freezing and it's now raining, I’ll finish this later. 149 days later.

The time has finally come for me to shift what my website has been for the last 7.5 years and make it what I want Olivia’s legacy to be: Making the world a happier place and helping people find (or get back to) their magic.

This calendar is a big one for me as June 2023 will see me start new and bold things I’ve never dared to dream before. I have been given the privileged opportunity to try to make my dreams come true, and I am taking it and jumping in the deep end with the certainty that I cannot fail. Whatever happens, the success is this: I finally believe in myself and I’m now aware that I can change the world with each person I interact with, I’ve even been doing that all along! 

I can finally see this as a Superpower. After all 41 years of life I am ready to go all in on myself and live and work in the life and with the purpose I thought was too far-fetched for me. I will now intentionally bring joy and magic wherever I go because it’s what I’m best at and what I know will make Olivia and myself the most proud. 

I hope this year’s calendar makes you happy, gets you closer to your purpose, and helps you give and find all the epic things life has to offer.