Capture Your Grief - Day 7. Myths
PLEASE go on Instagram and search the #captureyourgrief because there are simply too many amazing things being shared by parents all around the world! Sometimes I think I should copy/paste my favourite ones for the day and share them... I don't because I know this is about MY specific grief journey, but I encourage to go around and read... It will only make you understand this journey better.
Now then, Myths! - I'm not a saint and I have done a lot of questionable things in my life: up to the moment I repeated the 8th grade I wasn't a good student, it wasn't a matter of intelligence, I just went to school to have fun, make friends and make people laugh (yes, I was the class clown). I talked back to my parents more than once, I have talked behind people's backs, I have been judgmental, I have lied and many other things that humans tend to do. But, I have always genuinely believed and been very proud of the fact that I am a good person. What does this mean? Of course we all want to make the world a better place, but I truly believe that I aim to do so with every day actions. Of course, the older I get the better I want to be and the more my actions have consequences, so I've stopped (or at least impressively reduced) doing the things that can put that into question, small or large.
Myth: Good things happen to good people
Don't get me wrong, I live by the motto "being nice pays" and Olivia not being physically with me has only pushed me to be a better person. BUT, the worst thing can happen to good people and this is something that I (stupidly/naively) never thought possible... I mean, NOBODY deserves the death of a child, but you would think that the universe would at least look at your life CV before throwing you such a punch! Am I crazy here?
I have lived a life that I am VERY proud of and I all wanted was to show that to my daughter, be better for and with her and hope that I would do a good enough job so she too could pay it forward. But I don't get that chance...
I'm lucky enough that I do believe that Olivia is in a good place having a great time with all her almost 4 month old baby friends, and I often wonder: does she miss me? I know she can feel and see how much I miss her, because I too am someone's daughter and my mom is thankfully only a continent away and I miss her every day and I can feel that she misses me too. As I said, I do believe that Olivia is in a good place and that she will take care of me from there. But that is another semi myth for me, and one that I fight with EVERY SINGLE DAY. Olivia should be here with us, growing up in front of our eyes and starting to smile at us. She shouldn't be "taking care of me", that is MY job as her mother and I can't accept that I'm in such a place that my daughter had to die in order to take care of her mother. I'm super protective of my mum and I am grateful that I get to do it on earth. This is a semi myth, because I think believing (sometimes) that she truly is in a good place helps me survive.
So, the two myths that I would like to debunk today:
Olivia is in a better place taking care of me --> Olivia's best place is in her parent's arms and we should be taking care of her
Good things happen to good people --> The worst thing can happen to good people. This shouldn't stop you from being a great person, but be prepared that the worst thing is not reserved for horrible people, any of us are up for grabs.
"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness; that is life" - JL Picard
One of the first things I bought for Olivia, I always knew she was a happy person